How my relationship to luteal changed
When I began my menstrual cycle exploration, I was in high school. I was one of the few teenagers fortunate to have adequate health class experience in school, thanks to Mrs. Brown at NYC iSchool! I learned about the four phases of the female hormone cycle, what each hormone does and the journey the egg takes from ovary to uterus via fallopian tube highway.
At the time, I was on hormonal birth control. I had a Mirena IUD placed at age 14 when I started having sex with my boyfriend at the time. Since I had an artificial cycle, the information I learned wouldn’t quite feel tangible to me until years later when I came off hormonal birth control and began tracking my cycle.
I love tracking my cycle and living in connection to my natural rhythm. I have learned so much through connecting with my body in this way and I want to share what I have learned, what has worked for me, and how I transformed my relationship with my cycle from one of annoyance, irritation, and discomfort to joy, flow, friendship.
The hardest part of my cycle is by far the luteal phase, when PMS happens. PMS is just the 5-7 days before menstruating when physical and emotional symptoms increase. Honestly, the PMS is not even the worst part of my cycle, it’s more like the whole two weeks of luteal. For years I struggled with how to relate to this phase, because it was just so challenging. I would wake up annoyed, irritated, with this awful feeling in my heart of anger and anxiety. I would feel overwhelmed easily, moods swinging around like crazy, and struggled to connect with my partner during this time. All I wanted was to be showered with affection one moment, and then *poison dart red devil eyes* “don’t you dare look at me” the next. I felt crazy and guilty for acting like a b at times.
I knew that if I was going to teach this work to people, I ought to get curious about the most challenging part of my phase for myself. I did more exploring through an amazing menstrual educator named Angelina Hernandez (you should all take one of her workshops, they are fantastic and well worth it). Using the power of metaphor, symbolism, nature, and my creative mind I found subtle ways to relate to my luteal phase that ended up being just the tweaks that I needed to find more ease.
Luteal is the season of Inner Autumn. When I think about applying this season metaphor to fit how I actually feel during this time, I think of how the leaves make those wind tornados on the ground sometimes. I think of the smell that autumn has, very distinct. I think of the vibrancy of the colors of the leaves; what was once green, a color of calm has changed into bold reds, oranges, yellows, and dull browns. The leaves change color before they fall. Some leaves do not ever fall; they stay hanging on. When the leaves fall, they pile, and bugs and little creatures start to lay their eggs in them. The leaves cover the ground, keeping the soil warm before they decompose. I remember what it was like to play in the leaves as a child, raking them into a big pile in my Savta’s front yard, then running and jumping into them.
What does the season fall mean to you?
It is the time of the last harvest, of the darkness approaching. The days are getting shorter and the nights are getting longer. Our rhythm turns more inwards as we spend more time inside and more time asleep, in dream state.
This transition can be challenging as we reminisce about the sweet fleet of summer (ovulation), longing for those golden days when we were outside for hours with no chill.
When I think about my luteal phase now, I think about honoring the massive shifts; like being equipped with the perfect fall outfits- enough layers that when the sun comes out I can enjoy it without sweating and when the chill comes back, I have my favorite warm sweater to put on.
It doesn’t mean I don’t feel all the feels, but that I know what to give myself in times of need and I prioritize that.
